It’s just something I’m really passionate about. It’s what I want to do in my life, all I know is I want to help people, understand the brain, do something to change how things are.

& funny thing Is I didnt even know that It was the month of May. Ironic I think considering everything that has happened this month…

Anyways It just really pisses me off how people treat mental illness, Really people don’t understand that It’s “not something you can shake off”. You wouldn’t tell someone with cancer that now would you.

Well that is all, I hope I helped a little bit, goodnight my lovelies. <3

How I want a big beautiful house in the mountains somewhere, and I’ll have a lovely family and I will have a job I love maybe doing scientific research on random things. I’ll have two or three kids, and we will have the funnest adventures and I woln’t spoil them too much, I’ll teach them everything they need to know in life & i will fill their lives with nothing but happiness so there is no way they will ever feel like I do now.

But then I really think about it, what if I never get there..

I’m not even sure I’ll make it past this summer…

goodnight.

I just focused on the want and the die part tho.., so I don’t think it helped all that much.

night.

well mostly, :b

but goodnight.

Today was actually really nice, After the AP test i went to lunch & played guitar in the park with one of my best friends C: we ended up climbing trees & just talking about life, very lovely. Then i hung out with my dad for a bit & ran errands then got ready for my soccer banquet. That was perfect too c: I love my team so much, i’ve never really had a team feeling like that where its like another family, but i love it. They make me laugh so much & i always have the best time hen im around those girls, I can trust alot of em, even a few with more personal things that i hardly tell anyone. It’s so nice, to just be around people like that, its refreshing. & I’m having lunch with my soccer girlies tomorrow too. This day couldn’t have gone any better, now to do some homework.:b 

I’m too excited for this weekend, & for summer, and just everything, weird how one good day can make me hope again, even if it doesn’t last it’s nice to have this feeling for a bit. goodnight ❤

They are seriously the worst.

All the thoughts running through your head a million  miles an hour.

But I got it back and everything is fine, for now. It was just sad to see how fast my thought jumped to that option. 

Well I really have a lot to do tonight, this better be worth it in the end.

Fuck, I hate to say it but i needed to so bad, it been crawling in my skin.

I hate that i broke my streak, but I NEEDED to. 

White.

Red.

Nothing.

sixlittlelinesmakesthingsalrightforawhile.

I just want to be alone, but i don’t? 

This feeling always creeps up on me, or maybe it never really goes away i just forget about it for awhile.. I don’t know anymore. Sometimes I tell myself nothings real, but sometimes I tell my self everything is too real and then i get scared that I really don’t know at all. I wish someone could tell me whats wrong with me cause i sure as hell don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure out for three years but it just won’t let me go.

I hate it mostly cause i just want to sit in the dark and listen to these sad songs for absolutely no reason at all.

But i really don’t have time for that now cause it’s 11 and i haven’t done anything useful, fuck social networks.

well goodnight i guess.

I’m trying so damn hard right now, I’ve gone too long, it’s  almost summer, I dont feel like dealing with the mess and cover up, I shouldn’t.

None of this is helping honestly i would have already but i cant find my tools :|

goodnight.

this week just keeps getting worse and worse. Fucking guys making shit so damn complicated,  and i just make shit worse. Literally running on like 3 hours of sleep a night, so much god damn make up work, this fucking AP test cannot come soon enough. Got a referral yesterday and got our coaches bitched at by the principle & our privileges of leaving early taken away so now the whole soccer team hates me. After fucking failing the driving test 4 times, I finally passed and where is the first place I have to drive? The hospital cause my grandma got sick, so now I am Worried, Tired, Stressed, and slightly pissed of, for what I don’t even know anymore.

I want to curl up in a ball and sleep for a very very very very very very long time. like a couple years at least..

Sorry for bitching on your feed, this is just not my week.

Took a nap ealier, but I’m still drained. I hate knowing that I only fucked up  chemicals in my brain more, and that I fucked with my heart and stomach, I should probably eat something come to think about it. I hate that I’m probably going to be grounded after today.

I hate how I feel right now, not just physically but emotionally too. Why is life so damn draining. I hate knowing I still have 2 years of this shit. I just want to go to sleep and.. well I don’t know anymore. 

I’ll stop the thoughts there, I don’t even have the energy to sit and wallow in my depression tonight, I did enough of that earlier.

Goodnight.

I’m shaking, this was such a bad idea.

Add meds & caffeine strips so i could stay up & focus & do my work is just making me sick & shaky, I don’t know what I’m going to do… this isn’t good I’m scared & now everyone is asleep.

oh god.